I Must Love

MATTHEW 8: 18-22

When Jesus saw a crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side. A scribe approached and said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus answered him, "Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head." Another of (his) disciples said to him, "Lord, let me go first and bury my father." But Jesus answered him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead."

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I just sat for my infectious diseases exam this morning. I thank all those who have prayed for me, and rest assured that I am praying for all readers of this blog.

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This morning, I realized how difficult it must be to maintain one's dedication to Christ. I have been praying to God for the grace to leave everything and follow Him, but I am tempted to consider my weaknesses too much. I may have fallen a number of times because of my innate human weaknesses, a cross that God has given me to bear.

What are my excuses for delaying His call? I need not yet drop out of med school and enter a seminary to follow God's current call for me. If I am to strive for excellentia ad majorem Dei gloriam, I must find God first in the people and situations around me. I need to focus myself on serving Him by doing well in my studies and in my dealings with my patients. I must study hard to help them better. I must serve my parents and help them to bring up my brothers and sisters as truly devoted Christians.

Above all, I must love.

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Today is the feast of the Martyrs of the Church of Rome. May our brothers and sisters pray for us, who are now in the midst of worldly confusion. May their example bolster our drive to follow Christ, no matter what this will take.

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Saint Jean de Brebeuf, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://www.eborg3.com/Graphics/Bible/66-Revelation/Rev18/Jesus-Apostles-03.jpg, http://www.catholicculture.org/liturgicalyear/pictures/6_30_martyrs_rome2.jpg

Step by Step

MATTHEW 8:5-17

When Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion approached him and appealed to him, saying, "Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, suffering dreadfully." He said to him, "I will come and cure him."

The centurion said in reply, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed. For I too am a man subject to authority, with soldiers subject to me. And I say to one, ‘Go,' and he goes; and to another, ‘Come here,' and he comes; and to my slave, ‘Do this,' and he does it."

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, "Amen, I say to you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith. I say to you, many will come from the east and the west, and will recline with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the banquet in the Kingdom of heaven, but the children of the Kingdom will be driven out into the outer darkness, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth."

And Jesus said to the centurion, "You may go; as you have believed, let it be done for you." And at that very hour his servant was healed.

Jesus entered the house of Peter, and saw his mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand, the fever left her, and she rose and waited on him. When it was evening, they brought him many who were possessed by demons, and he drove out the spirits by a word and cured all the sick, to fulfill what had been said by Isaiah the prophet: He took away our infirmities and bore our diseases.

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The prophecy of Isaiah makes a very interesting point about how Jesus was called: as the One taking away our infirmities and bearing our diseases.

I pray to God for a faith as strong as that of the centurion. It may have taken Him quite a difficult time trying to rely on God's word alone, but in the end, God's word prevailed.

How much do I trust God about His plans for me? Am I planning ahead too much for my state in life?

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Also, I have an exam on infectious diseases on Monday. Please pray for me.

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I am very happy. I already met my new spiritual director (I will abbreviate this as SD), after not being able to seek direction for the past few months. Throughout last year I had been seeing a Dominican spiritual director and I fondly remember those times that I discussed how God makes me feel His call to service.

But, as I recounted my experiences and convictions to my new SD, this time a Jesuit, God has given me a new call: to discern His call step by step.

All along I may have been meditating about affairs that may merit my attention in the distant future: stuff like intersecting my desires and the needs of His people. I can't help it. But right now, I feel that God is telling me to reorient my journey and climb the ladder towards fully answering His call one step at a time.

One of the concrete things that my SD told me to achieve was this: attend first a vocation seminar. I have read a lot about vocation, in the process of writing this blog and as I interacted with various people discerning about a vocation, like in the Holy Vocations blog. But my SD strongly suggested that a vocation seminar would set my perspective and at the same time, delineate better what God wants to happen in my life.

But the vocation seminar would be held at a date that I am not sure I am free.

Please help me pray for God's will. Please help me pray for the ability to attend that seminar.

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John Brown, SJ gave me a very beautiful icon depicting Our Lord, Our Lady of the Way, and Saint Ignatius of Loyola. I am still waiting for his permission to post it onto this blog.

Thank you Brother!

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Saint Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://www.lifeasachristianwoman.com/wp-content/uploads/Jesus_healing.jpg, http://www.hinduonnet.com/thehindu/mag/2007/06/10/images/2007061050110601.jpg

The Continuing Struggle to be Magis

MATTHEW 8:1-4

When Jesus came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And then a leper approached, did him homage, and said, "Lord, if you wish, you can make me clean." He stretched out his hand, touched him, and said, "I will do it. Be made clean." His leprosy was cleansed immediately. Then Jesus said to him, "See that you tell no one, but go show yourself to the priest, and offer the gift that Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them."

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I just sat once again for an exam, this time in microbiology. It had a difficult time trying to recall the structure of fungi and the tests being done for identifying different disease-causing microbes in the blood.

This once again lead me to such a fear I have dreaded for quite some time: failing an exam.

And this once again catapulted me to one very profound memory: how my mother cried the day before my 21st birthday while trying to tell me I ought to excel in my studies. She told me how this would make her happy, notwithstanding the hardships and sacrifices that they have to undergo in educating us.

She already knew that one of my heart's desires is to serve the Lord with all my heart and vowing my all to His Service, but I didn't want to fail her.

Today's Gospel echoes my prayer: "Lord, if You wish, You can make me clean."

You can make me pass, and make me a physician competent enough to serve Your people.
You can make me pure, and make me a servant of Yours ever worthy to bring Your saving grace to them.
You can make me holy, so that one day I may see Your Holy Face.

Let my struggle for Magis take me to greater heights: to Heaven!

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Today is the Feast of the Blessed Mother under the title "Mother of Perpetual Help." My Mother, grant that I may only seek the help of your Son, through your powerful intercession. Grant that through my grades I may concretely love my mother and the rest of my family more. Amen.

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Our Lady of the Way, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://oneyearbibleimages.com/jesus_leper.jpg, http://www.rosariesforourlady.com/Images/OurLadyPerpetualHelp1.jpg, http://norprov.org/spirituality/images/ignatiusofferssword.jpg, http://locationcarolina.com/images/lowndes_grove_spiral_stairway.jpg

Building a Stronger Foundation

MATTHEW 7:21-29

"Not every one who says to me, `Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

On that day many will say to me, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, `I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.'

"Every one then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

And every one who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand; and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell; and great was the fall of it."

And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.

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The painful happened last night. After a night of hectic schedules, papers to prepare and patient cases to study, I succumbed to my human weakness and committed a sin that made me seek God's forgiveness this morning.

God reminded me through the priest to whom I confessed my sins the value of conversion and building a strong foundation for my faith.

If I am to serve God someday, will I be able to practice what I preach? This is parallel to my post yesterday.

I may be only human, winning and losing battles, but in the end, I am certain that a great Reward awaits those who make this unsung journey.

Please continue to pray for my struggle.

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Today is the feast of one of the saints from which I derive inspiration: Saint Josemaria Escriva. I pray that through his example of finding God in all things, I may be able to seek God, and remember Him in all the things I do.

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Saint Josemaria Escriva and Saint Ignatius of Loyola, my inspirations in finding God in all things, pray for us.

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photo credits:
http://motronsoft.com/Gallery/albums/xinjiang/SandHouse.jpg, http://www.marygrove.edu/facilities/images/details/confessional.jpg, http://www.opusdei.us/image/camp.jpg

Practice What You Preach

MATTHEW 7:15-20

Jesus said to his disciples: "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits you will know them."

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How do we become worthy preachers of God's Word? When we practice what we preach!

This is the essence of today's Gospel.

Shall we allow to be branded as wolves in sheep's clothing, ready to devour on any unsuspecting sheep?

Let us prayerfully meditate on what God wants us to be: as faithful Christians willing to stand up for our faith in Jesus Christ.

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I just shook the hand of one of our speakers, a person with HIV, today after her talk on HIV/AIDS in our Infectious Diseases module.

It was heartwarming, especially after meditating on what our speaker went through.

What have we done to ease the pain that others bear?

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Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://umbn.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/wolf_in_sheeps_clothing.jpg, http://blog.ecr.co.za/newswatch/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ribbon.jpg

Herald the Coming of Christ!

LUKE 1:57-66, 80

When the time arrived for Elizabeth to have her child she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown his great mercy toward her, and they rejoiced with her.

When they came on the eighth day to circumcise the child, they were going to call him Zechariah after his father, but his mother said in reply, "No. He will be called John."

But they answered her, "There is no one among your relatives who has this name." So they made signs, asking his father what he wished him to be called.

He asked for a tablet and wrote, "John is his name," and all were amazed. Immediately his mouth was opened, his tongue freed, and he spoke blessing God. Then fear came upon all their neighbors, and all these matters were discussed throughout the hill country of Judea.

All who heard these things took them to heart, saying, "What, then, will this child be?" For surely the hand of the Lord was with him.

The child grew and became strong in spirit, and he was in the desert until the day of his manifestation to Israel.

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Today is the Feast of the Birth of John the Baptist. It is notable that only two saints are given the dignity of being celebrated on the days of their birth: we celebrate the birth of the Blessed Mother on September 8, and we celebrate John the Baptist today.

In the Philippines, and especially in the City of San Juan, a suburb of Manila, there is a tradition in which passersby and unsuspecting pedestrians and commuters are being sprinkled, others even doused, by water, to remind them of their baptism.

Today's feast reminds me of this: a mission to herald the coming of Christ.

John the Baptist can be considered one of a kind due to the fact that his birth ushered in the coming of the Savior. He must have been given the privilege to recognize the Messiah early on, even as he was in the womb of his mother Elizabeth! He leaped in joy within the womb of his mother when Our Lady visited them. This shows us the extraordinary destiny John the Baptist is called to.

John's world must have been too chaotic. The Jews were only grudgingly forced to accept the rule of the Roman Empire, and there may have been discussion going on as to when the Messiah was to arrive. This backdrop set the stage for the role that John was to play in the coming of the Messiah.

We too are faced with a very confusing world, reeking of immorality and lack of social conscience. This sets for us a perfect backdrop for us to imitate the example of John: preparing the way for the Lord and setting straight His paths.

John however suffered dearly in heralding the coming of Christ: it cost his life.

How much are we willing to risk?

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I just came from group ward work at the hospital where I and my classmates encountered a patient with quite a lot of concomitant illnesses, among them diabetes and asthma. Interacting with her bantay (caretaker relative) revealed a lot about how God's love brightens up the sick and the sorrowing.

It appeared that our patient was not an avid churchgoer. Talking to her otherwise very religious bantay inspired me to tell our patient to trust God and He will do the rest.

"Magtiwala po lagi sa Panginoon, ha? Mag-pray po lagi! God bless po! (Always trust in the Lord, OK? Always pray! God bless you, ma'am)" I gently advised our patient.

"Amen, Amen," our smiling patient then replied. That was one of the few times I saw her smile during our encounter with her.

Blogging here on this website suddenly made me remember this one question the bantay posed to me as I was advising her on prayer and healing.

After telling the bantay how to inspire our patient to pray the Rosary, she suddenly asked me: "What congregation are you in?"

I simply answered, "Nagninilay pa lang po."

"I'm still meditating."

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Saint John the Baptist and Saint Francis Xavier, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://www.guggenheim.org/exhibitions/past_exhibitions/connecting_museums/images/kun_painting1.jpg, http://en.wikipilipinas.org/images/7/7d/San_juan_festivity1.jpg, http://farm1.static.flickr.com/111/299370405_e30b5ee8b8.jpg?v=0

Judging Others

MATTHEW 7:1-5

Jesus said to his disciples: "Stop judging, that you may not be judged.
For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you.
Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,' while the wooden beam is in your eye?
You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye."

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How do I judge other people? I have been tempted a lot of times to judge other people too much when they say or do bad things to me. But am I any better?

I tend to tell bad things about others, and I often do it without even noticing it. When will be the time for such a thing to change?

If I am to work for God's Kingdom, what image should I project? What kind of person should I be?

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Saint Francis Borgia, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://uk.gizmodo.com/judge.jpg

Vengeance, Sacrifice and God's Love

JEREMIAH 20:10-13

Jeremiah said: "I hear the whisperings of many: 'Terror on every side! Denounce! let us denounce him!' All those who were my friends are on the watch for any misstep of mine. 'Perhaps he will be trapped; then we can prevail, and take our vengeance on him.'

But the LORD is with me, like a mighty champion: my persecutors will stumble, they will not triumph. In their failure they will be put to utter shame, to lasting, unforgettable confusion.

O LORD of hosts, you who test the just, who probe mind and heart, let me witness the vengeance you take on them, for to you I have entrusted my cause. Sing to the LORD, praise the LORD, for he has rescued the life of the poor from the power of the wicked!"

ROMANS 5:12-15

Brothers and sisters: Through one man sin entered the world, and through sin, death, and thus death came to all men, inasmuch as all sinned -- for up to the time of the law, sin was in the world, though sin is not accounted when there is no law.

But death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who did not sin after the pattern of the trespass of Adam, who is the type of the one who was to come. But the gift is not like the transgression.

For if by the transgression of the one the many died, how much more did the grace of God and the gracious gift of the one man Jesus Christ overflow for the many.

MATTHEW 10:26-33

Jesus said to the Twelve: "Fear no one. Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.

Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father."

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Manila is now flooded due to Typhoon Frank. We walked to church with wet sandals and rolled-up pants as we prepared ourselves to partake of Christ in the Eucharist.

We were only able to attend 2/3 of the mass, the readings being over. The church was not full, in contrast to the overflowing number of people who would go to church every Sunday in very Catholic Philippines. This stormy Sunday, only a few pews were occupied.

It is nice to reflect on the fact that we attempted at reaching the church wading through the floods and taking risks on being exposed to possible disease, just to receive Jesus.

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The readings for this Sunday makes me reflect on three things: 1) the concept of vengeance, 2) Christ's sacrifice on the Cross, as it was compared to Adam's sin, and 3) God's omniscience, His being all-knowing.

VENGEANCE
"Vengeance is not ours, it's God's," so the old saying goes. The reading from Jeremiah makes me wonder how the Jews of the Old Testament view God's might and power: it makes me believe that they put their faith on a God who will exterminate their enemies and crush their persecutors. This is however easy to understand if we are to recall how the Jews were persecuted in their captivity in Egypt and by the Assyrian empire.

How do we view vengeance? As a way of exacting justice just to pacify our selfish yearning for revenge? Or an opportunity to behold the saving power of God that He may be worshipped and glorified?

Jeremiah, as I read the whole passage, had the right concept of revenge, and his heart is in the right place.

ADAM AND JESUS
He blew it! Just when Adam and Eve thought of how God blessed them abundantly: no need to hunt, no pain in childbirth, just don't eat that fruit in that cursed tree, he blew it.

But Jesus changed all that. It causes me to love Jesus more because of what He did for us: He had to die just to restore God's favor to His human creatures. Although God can only answer why, He verily allowed us to see the way how.

Let us thank God for giving us the chance to be truly with Him not only in heaven, but also within our hearts.

TRUST IN GOD'S LOVE
God surely is a booster of self-esteem. When we may have been feeling how the world has left us, God then comes to console us, and tells us how valuable each of us are to Him. He even goes so far as to tell us how much we do not need to worry about anything, as long as we follow Him.

How do I trust God? How do I love God back?

Today is the feast of Saint Thomas More, lawyer and martyr. He reaffirmed his belief that he must not be afraid of those who are out to kill him: he willingly surrendered his rights and privileges during the persecution of Henry VIII of England in the 16th century.

More was one of the people who bitterly protested Henry VIII's break with the Catholic Church after the Pope refused to grant annulment of his marriage with Catherine of Aragon. He was sentenced to death, and was canonized in 1935.

Am I willing to offer my life while trusting God?

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Saint Thomas More and Saint Alphonsus Rodriguez, martyrs, pray for us.

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photo credits:
http://www.moshereiss.org/messenger/10_jeremiah/rembrandt_jeremiah.jpg
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/167/423168386_4dead2166c.jpg
http://www.pugsplace.com/blog/image2/sermon.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f0/Hans_Holbein_d._J._065.jpg

Taking the Extra Step

MATTHEW 6:24-34

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith?

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

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While I was meditatively scanning my First Book of Saints, I was particularly fixated on one great saint: Saint Aloysius Gonzaga. It never occurred to me until just now that it is his feast day today.
Saint Aloysius, considered the Patron of Youth and Young Men, was born into a noble family. Trained in the art of war, Aloysius was also exposed to the excesses and lavish lifestyle of Spanish nobility.

Despite this, he had an inclination to the religious life, such that, when he heard about the missionaries of the Society of Jesus doing work in India, he resolved to be one of them. With much opposition from his father, he entered the Society and served the sick to which he was assigned to minister. He died after carrying out his work with patients afflicted with the plague.

This made me think in relation to today's Gospel.

How much do I worry about my everyday needs? I have been given more than what is necessary, but what do I have to offer more?

Am I afraid to take risks? In my current apostolate as a medical student, how much did I invest to learn more about the diseases I am about to encounter in the clinics? Am I studious enough?

Am I willing to seek the Kingdom of God in the people I am with? Or do I prejudge them easily and refuse to take time and see the innate good in them?

Do I worry so much? Prayer should have been more than enough to ease our concerns.

Saint Aloysius, may I always follow the will of God and lovingly carry the Cross you so joyfully bore.

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Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, pray for us, and please pray for God's grace that He may lead me to the same footsteps you followed: into His humble Society.

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photo credits: http://irub.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/216624fork-in-road-posters.jpg, http://www.saintaloysiusgonzaga.com/images/Front_image.jpg

The Struggle for the Magis

MATTHEW 6:19-23--

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal,

but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

"The eye is the lamp of the body.

So, if your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light;

but if your eye is not sound, your whole body will be full of darkness.

If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

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I just finished sitting for an exam this afternoon.

Throughout my career as a student, I have so feared exams. It somehow used to give me an idea of how slow I understand things.

It is an essential skill for people studying medicine that they understand complex topics as fast as they could. For quite a long time now, I have disappointed at how my grades appear. I fervently hope that this year will be a change: for God, for me and my family, and of course, for my patients.

I am praying that with the exams I just took, I may be able to glorify God, and improve myself and how I serve others. Besides, what I am learning is ultimately for the good of my patients, my brothers, my sisters, my fellows.

Help me to pray for more of God's grace. The struggle of attaining the magis, of being the "more" for others and for God's glory, will not be over yet.

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Today's Gospel reminded me of how people should invest for heavenly things: following God by being good to others and to the community. But many of us seem to not look at things this way, as many of us save for worldly treasure. True, we should be able to work for a decent living, but how do we define decent living? Simple clothing, just the right resources to be allocated on oneself: this is how I personally define decent living. All else that exceeds one's needs must be given away.

I pray that this definition of mine will not be corrupted by the opulence that today's generation so desperately aspires to achieve.

Today's message also reminded me of things that my eyes should look at. I should not corrupt my soul by looking at things that virtuous eyes ought not to see.

If I aspire for heaven, what should I aspire to look at? A favorite song of mine by Bukas Palad tells me the answer.

'To see the face of God, is my heart's desire...

to gaze upon the Lord is my one desire'

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I love the picture posted above. It reminds me further of what I have to do.

"Young man, look up. If you desire to follow Me, you have to be MORE. Look up, and be a BETTER fisher of men."

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Saint Francis Xavier, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://www.hithcc.org/Sermon%20on%20the%20Mount,%20by%20Carl%20Heinrich%20Bloch%20(1834-1890).jpg

A Sinner Yet Called by God

We are all knights marching in battle.

Sometimes we stand confidently on, trampling any obstacle on the way.
Sometimes however, we fall.
But it takes courage to rise again, even retreating for a while,
as long as the fight must continue to be fought
And cowardice to choose to retreat, forevermore.

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Saint Ignatius, help me to be a good knight. I may fall a lot of times, but help that by through your example I may always rise again until the day God lets His righteous ones rise before Him. Amen.

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credits:
"A Sinner Yet Called by God" from General Constitutions of the Society of Jesus, 33.
The Spiritual Journey of St. Ignatius Loyola: Wounded at Pamplona. During an extended convalescence, Ignatius turns mind and heart from a preoccupation with self-glory to a passion for the greater glory of God. Acrylic on wood panel with gold leaf, 44"x27"Artist: Dora Nikolova Bittau, Chapel of St. Ignatius, Seattle University.
http://www.seattleu.edu/missionministry/jesuitidentity/Art/Chapel%20Art.htm.

Too Busy?

I am cut up by the different responsibilities that are all demanding a piece of me. Please pray for me as I try to answer God's call by being able to do excellently in all of these responsibilities, in the spirit of magis.

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Saint Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us.

Childlike, not Childish Faith

Mark 10:13-16: "And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

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What is it like to be childlike? We may remember trusting our parents in giving us food to eat or money to spend for school expenses. Trust. This is what I believe to be that defining virtue of how it is to be positively, childlike.

Childish attitudes, are altogether different. It gives us the picture of a spoiled brat always wanting everything to fall within one's plan and desire.

If we are to live as Christ's disciples, how are we to follow Christ? According to what He wants or what we whine for?

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In one of our ward work sessions, we attempted at diagnosing a baby boy who was brought to our hospital for difficulty breathing. Thankfully he will be for discharge tomorrow, because we all believed that our patient will be all right.

His bright eyes and lively disposition (even making faces as we were trying to hear his breath sounds through the stethoscope!) made us realize the love and dedication that we as future doctors should put into our work.

But last night, as I was watching the evening news on TV, I cannot help but be shocked at how life can be sorrily wasted. A fetus was found cut into pieces, placed inside a 2-liter water bottle and thrown in the trash, when a garbage scavenger found it and reported it to the authorities. A baby was thrown from one of the floors of a high-rise condominium building. And a toddler was shot as a police officer playfully toyed his gun while chasing a would-be offender in his jurisdiction.

How can life be so wasted by the people around us? Let us pray for the grace of putting more value on the gift of life. After all, it is not ours, it's God's. Let us pray for the unborn, and the innocent children who have been killed at the hands of people who are sadly not aware of the beauty of life, as God created and designed it.

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Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, pray for us.

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Photo credits: http://www.youarelovedchildcare.com/jesus_w_children_600.jpg

http://larrycorrell.brinkster.net/images/Jesus_Nativity.jpg

Martyrdom and the Eucharist

(lifted from the Singapore Jesuits website)
Catholic missionaries were permitted to reenter China following the signing of the treaty between France and China in 1858 and by the end of the century the Chinese church was flourishing again. Thousands were converted each year and the building of Catholic churches was on the increase.

However the peaceful co-existence between the Chinese Christians and their non-Christian neighbours was soon to end with the impending Boxer rebellion.

The dissidents argued that the Catholics by not participating in the public festivals honouring Chinese deities, the official religion of Confucianism, had demonstrated themselves as enemies of the country.

Together with this anti-Catholic bias there was an anti-foreign prejudice directed against the missionaries who were frequently accused of enticing the Chinese from their ancestral worship.

The Boxers were a quasi-religious movement and its name was given by the English because of its members’ strenuous martial art training. They especially hated the Catholics and had been planning to destroy them.

Their opportunity came when the Empress Dowager Ci Xi in the coup d’état of 1898 overthrew and imprisoned her nephew, the young Emperor Guangxu. While the Boxers knew the Empress Dowager did not officially approve of them, they knew of her desire to rid the nation of unwanted foreigners.

As a result they put to death about 30,000 Catholics during the Boxer uprising.

Fr Remy Isore and Fr Modeste Andlauer were the first Jesuits to die at the hands of the infamous Boxers.

Fr Remy Isore was born in Bambecque, France. He studied for the diocesan priesthood initially but after completing his studies at the major seminary he decided to become a Jesuit. He entered the Jesuit novitiate at Saint-Acheul in 1875 and after completing his ecclesiastical studies in France, was sent to China in 1882 and ordained in 1886 after his Jesuit training.

Fr Modeste Andlauer was born in Rosheim, Alsace and entered the Society at Saint-Acheul in 1872 and was ordained in France in 1877. He was four years older than Fr Remy and also arrived in China in 1882.

When the Boxer Rebellion began, Fr Remy, an austere and energetic missionary was stationed in the district of Tianjin. He went to the Jesuit house at Xianxian for rest and also to be with his Jesuit brethren.

On June 17, 1900 when he heard that the Boxers were near Weixian he decided to return to his mission to be with his Christians.

On June 18 when he arrived at Wuyi, where Fr Andlauer had his mission and stopped to see his fellow Jesuit, he noticed that the Boxers were already in the village. They had come there to free some of their companions who had been captured the previous winter but delayed their departure when they discovered that Fr Andlauer was stationed there.

Both the Jesuits knew that their prayers for martyrdom would soon be answered now that the Boxers were in the village and spent the night in prayer.

The next afternoon, June 19, they heard a sharp knock of swords on the residence door and the two Jesuits went into the adjoining chapel and secured the door behind them. Within seconds after they heard the crash of the outside door the chapel door was thrown open violently and the Boxers rushed towards the kneeling Jesuits and took turns to stab them with their lances and the blood of the martyrs flowed at the foot of God’s altar.

The next day the murderers exposed the heads of the priests on the village gate to indicate to the Christians what awaited them if they did not return to their ancestral religion.

Frs Remy and Andlauer, Martyrs of the Boxer Rebellion were beatified by Pope Pius XII on April 17, 1955 together with two other Jesuits, Fr Leo Mangin and Fr Paul Denn and fifty-two Chinese lay persons.

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One of the most admirable characters I always read about are the martyrs, who chose to give up their lives for the sake of Christ.

If one were to imagine how boldly they stood up for Christ, it would indeed be overwhelming. But if we are to realize that the reason for this is in fact God's grace and their love for the Eucharist, we would be able to understand this as a way of following Christ's footsteps. After all, Christ died for us.

Let us pray through the intercession of our martyred brothers and sisters. I personally pray that I may be given the grace to follow Christ in whatever way He wants me to, with the zeal and spirit of our martyr brothers and sisters.

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Blessed Remy Isore and Blessed Modeste Andlauer, Jesuit martyrs, pray for us.

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Photo credits:
picture 1: http://andrew4jc.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html
pictures of Bl. Remy Isore and Bl. Modeste Andlauer, http://www.jesuit.org.sg/html/companions/saints.martys/june/andlauer.isore2006.html.

Thirsting for Thee

I Seek You For I Thirst
Bukas Palad

Though many times I run from You in shame
I lift my hands and call upon Your name
For underneath the shadow of Your wings
My melody is You

O Lord, I seek You for I thirst
Your mercy is the rain on the desert of my soul
O Lord, I raise my lifeless eyes and see Your glory shine
How Your kindess overflows

O Lord, Your sanctuary calls
I yearn to be with You in the rivers of Your love.



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Take and Receive
Bukas Palad
Words attributed to Saint Ignatius Loyola

Take and receive, O Lord, my liberty
Take all my will, my mind, my memory
All things I hold and all I own are Thine
Thine was the gift, to Thee I all resign

Do Thou direct and govern all and sway
Do what Thou wilt, command, and I obey
Only Thy grace, Thy love on me bestow
These make me rich, all else will I forego.



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I have always grappled with the fact that, often, my body does not do what my heart wants it to do. For many years, I have been tempted by my sinful desires to go against what my conscience wants me to do.

And often, I fell.

Sometimes, so sudden, yet most of the time, it was my own choice. Life may have been so hard, friends uncaring, even God seemed far away. I tried to satisfy my thirst, but then, it seemed I did not thirst enough to seek God Himself.

Lord, help me to thirst for You, and not for anything else.

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the Word and I shall be healed."

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Saint Francis Xavier, pray for us.

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Photo credits:
http://www.sspxasia.com/Documents/Society_of_Saint_Pius_X/Vocations/Mens-Communities/Images/CCR-2.jpg
http://www.catholicposters.com/shop/images/products/fullimages/1010.jpg

Generosity and Pamimihasa

Matthew 5:38-42

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'

But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil.

When someone strikes you on (your) right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.

If anyone wants to go to law with you over your tunic, hand him your cloak as well.

Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles.

Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow."

It has been taught to us that sometimes being generous is not just giving alms. It is much deeper than that. When I was with a group of friends yesterday, we were approached by not a few beggars on the street. It is quite sad to turn them away, for we knew that we could be helping them more than just giving money to them.

It is quite sad that I often resign to just praying for them, that God will grant them the grace of a successful life. But as a student, I can only do so much.

I have resolved to minimize my giving of alms, as it somehow engenders a behavior we Filipinos call pamimihasa. When one becomes like the term I mentioned, one ends up expecting too much alms from others, therefore limiting them to just begging and not working hard for a living.

In my years as a medical student exposed in community situations, I have seen many cases of pamimihasa amongst our beneficiary families. It is quite sad.

But I continue to pray for them. I know God hasn't given up on them, and neither will I.

In my quest of rediscovering myself in the context of my religious calling, I look forward to the day that I could finally help them, not by alms, but by giving my whole self to them. I just pray that God will give me the grace. And like Jesus depicted above, eating with the poorest of the poor, I hope I could do the same.

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Saint Alphonsus Rodriguez, pray for us.

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Photo credits: Hapag ng Pag-Asa (Table of Hope) by Joey Velasco. http://joeyvelasco.com/images/paintings_whole/Hapag_ng_pag_asa.jpg

Healing the Sick

Matthew 9:35-10:8 (NAB)
"Jesus went around to all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and curing every disease and illness.

At the sight of the crowds, his heart was moved with pity for them because they were troubled and abandoned, like sheep without a shepherd.

Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few; so ask the master of the harvest to send out laborers for his harvest."

Then he summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits to drive them out and to cure every disease and every illness.

The names of the twelve apostles are these: first, Simon called Peter, and his brother Andrew; James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew, Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddeus; Simon the Cananean, and Judas Iscariot who betrayed him.

Jesus sent out these twelve after instructing them thus, "Do not go into pagan territory or enter a Samaritan town. Go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

As you go, make this proclamation: 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give."

I especially gave much emphasis to the phrases relevant to my current calling: to be a physician.
The gospel for today simply reminded me of three things: 1) I am still called. 2) I have to be a good physician. 3) God will make me a better servant of His when I succeed in becoming a good physician.

God willing. Please pray for me.

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A Jesuit priest--close friend of mine--celebrated mass at the university hospital chapel this afternoon. His homily reminded me of a certain aspect of Ignatian spirituality that I have been reflecting on for the past few days: First of all, a sinner called by God.

I then reflected on how unworthy I in fact am while being called into a very different way of life.

What astounded me afterwards was the group of people I found myself with after the mass. It was I with my priest-friend, two college mates who were freshmen in my medical school. One of them had her girl friend tag along. It was such a nice group, with all of us having interesting connections: either two or more of us were of the same province, same language, same school and same study center. No dull moments; we even almost got lost on our way to lunch because of the warmth and enthusiasm through which we shared our experiences and how all of us had something in common.

It felt good, and I look forward to future opportunities such as these in the future. Thank you Father!

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Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, pray for us.

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Photo credits: http://www.cts.edu/ImageLibrary/Images/newwed/gmaxheal.jpg, http://webuser.bus.umich.edu/Organizations/umbshc/images/Pictures/stethoscope.jpg

In the Front Line

After braving through the first week of yet another year in med school, I made sure that there was some fuel for the fire that seems to burn within me: the fire of a religious vocation. But in an albeit different way.

All along I have been thinking and imagining the joys of being a priest. Spending time with Jesuit and Dominican friends have somehow given me an impression that their lives are more comfortable comparing to those of people who have to work 8 to 5, worry about daily expenses and other worldly cares. It seemed attractive, too much, to leave everything behind.

I suspect that throughout the time that I have been feeling attraction to the priestly way of life, a Jesuit way of life, I may have been obsessed with the idea of leaving everything and living in a sort-of freedom to do what I want and what God wants.

This time, I wanted to expose myself to a whole new perspective: what are situations and circumstances that would possibly make me leave the priesthood?

I have been a big fan of the UP Manila library since I attended college; it may be small, but it has collections of yearbooks and other historical stuff. It has the first university yearbook of 1915, where I saw pictures of the original Padre Faura campus. In the various issues of the Philippinensian, the university yearbook until the late 1970s, I saw the growth of various institutions within the university: my own medical fraternity, the College of Medicine; and of course, as my aspiring Jesuit soul wants me to discover; the history of the presence of the Society of Jesus in the University of the Philippines.

But then again, discussing the latter would be best reserved for another blog entry.

Ever since I was in grade school, I loved, adored and intellectually ate history books. So, as I yearned to fulfill the urge to scan a yearbook, I chanced upon a shelf containing books published by two religious orders that are most influential in my life, the Dominicans, and of course, the Jesuits. One book that caught my attention was Leaving the Priesthood: A Close Reading of Priestly Departures by Fr. Emmanuel Fernandez, a diocesan priest.

I haven't finished reading the book yet, but as I began turning each page, I was riveted onto every detail. I tried to put myself into every situation presented by the persons who willingly shared their vocation stories and how they left the priesthood. I all throughout thought: "Will I choose to leave the priesthood too, if I were in their shoes?" I prayed hard. If this Jesuit priesthood vocation were God's plan for me, it should persist within my soul no matter what happens. I must know myself and discover the complexities of my own self.

And I thought: if God were to invest me the honor of being a Companion of His Son Jesus, I wouldn't want to be just another knight.

True to the principle of magis, being more and doing more, I fervently prayed that if I were to follow His Son through the Society, I have to develop my own skills, talents and capabilities first. God granted me a chance to study medicine, and I am on my third year now.


I pray so much that God will grant me the strength to carry on, so that at the hour that I choose to leave everything, sign away all my privileges and live a life of poverty, chastity and obedience; I will not be just another knight in the sidelines, but a knight in the front line: fighting His battles fiercely yet prudently, to the death.

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Saint Jean de Brebeuf, Saint Isaac Jogues and the Jesuit martyrs of Canada, pray for us.

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Photo credits:
picture 1: The Spiritual Journey of St. Ignatius Loyola: Wounded at Pamplona. During an extended convalescence, Ignatius turns mind and heart from a preoccupation with self-glory to a passion for the greater glory of God. Acrylic on wood panel with gold leaf, 44"x27"Artist: Dora Nikolova Bittau, Chapel of St. Ignatius, Seattle University

picture 2: http://www.ateneopress.org/detail_socsci.asp?ID=14

picture 3: The Spiritual Journey of St. Ignatius Loyola: Abiding Intimacy with the Trinity in Rome. Ignatius governs the Society of Jesus and writes the Constitutions that guide the Society's life and mission in a prayerful abiding union with God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Acrylic on wood panel with gold leaf, 44"x27", Artist: Dora Nikolova Bittau, Chapel of St. Ignatius, Seattle University

picture 4: The Spiritual Journey of St. Ignatius Loyola: Confirmed in Mission at LaStorta. Ignatius' desire and prayer that he and his companions serve Christ's mission is confirmed when God places him with Jesus carrying his cross. Acrylic on wood panel with gold leaf, 44"x27", Artist: Dora Nikolova Bittau, Chapel of St. Ignatius, Seattle University

All works of Dora Nikolova Bittau were borrowed from http://www.seattleu.edu/missionministry/jesuitidentity/Art/Chapel%20Art.htm.

Chastity and the Internet

It seems to me that a spiritual journey isn't as manageable as it was centuries ago. Saints of old may have only struggled with their inner urges to lust, whereas we today are continually bombarded with much immorality in our mass media.

I am very disturbed whenever I arrive in Manila via bus. The first thing that would present itself before the eyes of all who enter Manila from the north is a gigantic tarpaulin of a movie star clad only with underwear.

As I was again leaving for school, I chanced upon an EWTN show where the guest told the audience (sorry I forgot who the guest was): "Saints of today will be better off than saints of long ago, because the latter encountered the world with satan leashed. Saints of today will have to live holy lives in a world where satan's works are everywhere, satan unleashed."

One of the greatest temptations offered to people who really try to live chaste lives today is the internet. For alas, aside from its being very informative and convenient, it has also been made a vehicle for sexual immorality. I will be a liar if I will not say that I have never been victimized by such.

This calls to mind the gospel for today, Friday.

Matthew 5:27-32 (NIV): "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

I am reflecting over the two things that Christ suggested: cutting off one's eyes and hands. Adolescent boys, particularly, will recognize how the human body is much given to sexual urges, and I personally take this excerpt as a sign that Jesus expects all His followers to lead chaste and pure lives, dedicated to Him.

Let me go back to my sharing on the Internet. As I was struggling (I still am) on the temptations offered by the internet, even while doing this blog, I searched for a heavenly companion to pray for me as well as all the people who seek help in using the Internet properly. I then encountered Saint Isidore of Seville.

Saint Isidore of Seville
(from http://saints.sqpn.com/sainti04.htm)

Also known as
Isidore the Bishop, Schoolmaster of the Middle Ages

Memorial

4 April

Profile

Son of Severianus and Theodora, people known for their piety. Brother of Saint Fulgentius, Saint Florentina, and Saint Leander of Seville, who raised him after their father's death. Initially a poor student, he gave the problem over to God and became one of the most learned men of his time. Priest. Helped his brother Leander, archbishop of Seville, in the conversion the Visigoth Arians. Hermit.

Archbishop of Seville c.601, succeeding his brother to the position. Teacher, founder, reformer. Required seminaries in every diocese, wrote a rule for religious orders. Prolific writer including a dictionary, an encyclopedia, a history of Goths, and a history of the world beginning with creation. Completed the Mozarabic liturgy which is still in use in Toledo, Spain. Presided at the Second Council of Seville, and the Fourth Council of Toledo. Introduced the works of Aristotle to Spain.

Proclaimed Doctor of the Church by Pope Benedict XIV in 1722, and became the leading candidate for patron of computer users and the Internet in 1999.

Born

c.560 at Cartagena, Spain

Died

4 April 636 at Seville, Spain

Patronage

computer technicians; computer users; computers; the Internet; schoolchildren; students.

Before logging into the internet, it may be best to pray this prayer first.

Prayer to Saint Isidore of Seville before logging into the Internet

Almighty and eternal God,
who created us in Thy image and bade us to seek after all that is good,
true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person of Thy only-begotten Son,
our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant we beseech Thee that,
through the intercession of Saint Isidore,
bishop and doctor,
during our journeys through the internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord.
Amen

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Saint Ignatius and Saint Isidore, please pray for the Internet, that it may serve as another way to let the world know about the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. Bless us through your intercession. Amen.

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Photo credits: http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/26/55/22975526.jpg, http://www.st-isidore.org/graphics/stisidore.jpg, http://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/Pictures/StandardBibleStoryReadersBook5/images/scan0029.jpg