Lord, I Need Thy Tight Embrace

MATTHEW 8:28-34

When Jesus came to the territory of the Gadarenes, two demoniacs who were coming from the tombs met him. They were so savage that no one could travel by that road. They cried out, "What have you to do with us, Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the appointed time?" Some distance away a herd of many swine was feeding. The demons pleaded with him, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of swine."

And he said to them, "Go then!"

They came out and entered the swine, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea where they drowned. The swineherds ran away, and when they came to the town they reported everything, including what had happened to the demoniacs. Thereupon the whole town came out to meet Jesus, and when they saw him they begged him to leave their district.

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I was not expecting the weight that this day will make me bear. Although I was ecstatic after experiencing God through my patient's faith, I am now quite downtrodden with how my father has informed us of our true financial situation.

To get me through med school and finance the college education of my brothers and sisters (we are five children, all in all) entails immense sacrifices on their part.

Just after the daily rosary, I was finally led to reveal a secret I hid from my father: that I lost one of my blood pressure gauges, which are quite expensive. I was in a great dilemma as to how to tell my father about the lost blood pressure gauge--it has been lost for more than a year.

Instantly my father bluntly told me point blank that I'll have to pray harder, or else I will have to stop medical school. Our finances, as he told me, are not keeping up with the escalating price of daily needs: food and utilities.

What was most painful is the fact that, because of the loss he has been led into thinking that I am not concerned about our financial circumstances.

Please help me pray for our financial affairs. This issue is so close to my heart: my eyes are drenched in tears as I type this entry.

Somehow this is connected with how I am discerning for my vocation; for as being the eldest son of the family I will have to exert extra effort for the finances of the family. Plans will have to be reconsidered, dreams may have to be shelved.

Will my attitude be like the Gadarenes of today's Gospel, who, after Jesus' healing of the two demoniacs, drove Him out of their territory? He may have been a threat to their economic success, imagine such unbelievable event happening in their town.

Likewise, God's call may be perceived by others as something that takes something away, instead of adding something into their lives.

In the context of my current circumstances, will I curse the darkness, blame God and taunt Him, as the demons of today's Gospel have done? Or seek healing?

Please continue to pray for me.

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This song is a personal prayer for me: that the Voice of God serve as a way for my wounds and the wounds of others to be fully healed.

Awit ng Paghilom (Song of Healing)
Hangad
(with my unauthorized English translation from the Filipino original)

Panginoon ko, hanap-hanap Ka ng puso,
My Lord, my heart yearns for You
Tinig Mo'y isang awit paghilom.
Your Voice is a song of healing

Ang baling ng aking diwa ay sa 'Yo,
My soul relies upon You
H'wag nawang pababayaang masiphayo.
Let not my trust in You be in vain
Ikaw ang buntong hininga ng buhay;
You are the Breath of Life
Dulot Mo'y kapayapaan, pag-ibig.
That brings peace and love

Ako'y akayin sa daang matuwid.
Direct me through straight paths
H'wag nawang pahintulutang mabighani.
Let not I be attracted
Sa panandalian at huwad na rilag
To such transitory and false honor
Ikaw ang aking tanging Tagapagligtas.
Only You are my Savior

Sigwa sa 'king kalooban 'Yong masdan.
Look into the passion within my self
Pahupain ang bugso ng kalungkutan.
Comfort the storm of loneliness within
Yakapin ng buong higpit 'Yong anak
Envelop Your child in such a tight embrace
Nang mayakap din ang bayan Mong ibig.
That Your nation may too feel Your arms.




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Saint Bernardino Realino, Jesuit lawyer, pray for us.

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photo credits: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/ 0/06/Duc_De_Berry_-_Besessener.jpg/180px-Duc_De_Berry_-_Besessener.jpg, http://www.marilynspoetry.com/view/uploads/ Someday_with_Jesus_Moon_&_Back_..._Danny_H._February.jpg, http://transfigurations.blogspot.com/2008_04_01_archive.html