The Best I Have

Lk 21:1-4

When Jesus looked up he saw some wealthy people
putting their offerings into the treasury
and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins.
He said, “I tell you truly,
this poor widow put in more than all the rest;
for those others have all made offerings from their surplus wealth,
but she, from her poverty, has offered her whole livelihood.”

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It has been more than 3 months since my last post at this blog. All along my blogging hiatus, two readers have signified interest in following my posts, and thank you very much. But I now think it is time to start anew, and while things in medical clerkship are beginning to be more manageable, more time for meditation has to be done. God only desires the best out of us.

Today's Gospel tells us of how God appreciates those who are willing to give their all to Him, like the widow who unselfishly gave all the coins she had, two of them. How much am I willing to give? Is it only the surplus? Am I ready to give all my life right now, and let God take care of the consequences?

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To update all those who have been reading this blog during my blogging hiatus, I am now in my fourth year in medical school and have just braved through clinical clerkships in the following departments: obstetrics-gynecology, anesthesiology, emergency medicine, surgery, internal medicine, and now, neurology and psychiatry. It has been a very stressful stage in my life, and it has allowed me to reflect on different ways I handle stress, responsibilities, and relationships. For the latter, this would not mean only relationships with other people, but also with God. even now, I find myself struggling to pray, and use prayer as a way to counteract the negative energies that stress in medical school is giving me. I haven't been attending church in the same way that I have been before. And habits are beginning to form once more, habits that I have always wanted to be under my control.

I felt God was there all along, silently goading me on and reassuring me that there is something greater to this chaos I am being forced to brave through. But there was a feeling of emptiness, that I tried to fill with all my human, therefore frail, strength. God proved to me once more He is more than anything I could ever muster. And I am just to happy to hear His voice and listen to what He wants me to do.

There are three things that my confessor told me about getting back on the road, and giving time for meditating everyday experiences: praying to God not to put his graces to waste, praying for the grace to do three things better, and praying:

Lord, help me get back on track.

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I have a patient to accompany to CT Scan in five minutes. Gotta rush.

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Saint Ignatius, pray for us.